Mother’s Day is one of these holidays that either you’re on board or you’re not. For years now I’ve mostly seen it as a hallmark holiday - shouldn’t every day be mother’s day? I like to think she should feel appreciated all the time.
There’s a whole variety of reasons as to why one may not like mother’s day. For infertiles, the reason is pretty obvious. And for weeks there’s so much hype about it. Constant reminders of what we cannot do. Become moms. Even Ellen DeGeneres has a Mother’s Day show full of soon-to-be moms with giant bellies. I’ve mostly avoided all things Mother’s Day. And I’ve read a lot of pretty depressing posts lately, and rightly so. It is tough this time of year - also with spring now here and all the pregnant women have magically appeared all around us. But I’d like to lighten up the mood a little bit. And I don’t need actual children to celebrate Mother’s Day. I’ve done quite a lot for my future babies!
1. They’ve already costed me a fortune. Everyone complains about how expensive children are. Well, I’ll probably be poor by the time they show up! And now with potential upcoming surrogacy costs… Just sayin…
2. Technically, I’m a mom to like 60 potential kids. Just because no one made it past a little bit of cell division doesn’t mean they never existed, even for a very very very very brief time. And obviously they can’t make me a model of their own embryo in clay or something as a mother’s day gift, but I know that for many brief moments, a combination of my husband and I existed in a lab in the universe.
3. Pain! Oh the pain of being a mother. Labour, obviously, which I have not experienced, although honestly, I think my 2nd miscarriage came pretty close (embryo stuck in cervix for hours…). The pain tolerance of a woman is way higher than a man’s. Even if a couple is experiencing male infertility, who does all the painful tests? Exactly, the woman! I even did an ERA test which is a biopsy of the lining, 10 seconds of absolute hell I almost threw up, and the nurse and I sort of joked after that a man would never ever agree to do anything of the sort in order to have children. He’d be like, uh, tube, moving / scraping around in there…, no thanks, I’ll pass on having kids. So, just based on pain, I’m celebrating Mother’s Day.
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| (c) Rebecca Schwartz |
4. Flowers!!! Common, do I not deserve flowers? In my post on kindness I wrote about my friend from across the country who sent me flowers and chocolates which was beyond super sweet. So maybe I’ve already gotten flowers, but um, husband, um, ya….
5. It’s going to happen. It may not be as soon as we had hoped (understatement), but we know that it will happen no matter what. We will become a family of more than the 2 of us. It’s like joining a gym but not going in for this first few months. You still boast to your friends that you’re a member. Ok, really light analogy, I know, but based on the fact that I know that I will be a mom one day, and working so hard to make it happen, I think celebrating Mother’s Day is something we should all do as infertiles. Haven’t we added enough days in the bank of motherhood? I think we have more days of dealing with being / becoming a mom than that woman who got pregnant yesterday by sneezing (although congrats to you, whoever you are). So let’s stop fearing this day already! Let’s not let it make us feel like shit anymore. And just join the party!
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY INFERTILES!!!!
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