I am a very impatient person (I'll be blunt). I get frustrated when people don’t understand me or my intentions. Usually I’m the one not being clear enough, but it’s difficult. I used to be a teacher and for kids, I somehow have tons and tons of patience. But if I’m teaching my husband something about the English language, for example, I’m terrible, and can’t understand if it takes him too long to get it. We live in a world of quick results. If a website takes more than a second to load it throws off SEO. We send emails and call that person to see if they got it. Like, why not just talk to the person to begin with? Social media updates instantly with new posts. I’m not blaming society for my shortcomings. I know this is something I need to work on. I’m just saying that it’s a lot easier to work on it in the middle of nowhere with no distractions or expectations. But that’s not where I live - at least not for most of the year.
Going through infertility has brought light to my lack of patience. The whole process is a huge test in patience. We have no choice, but to be patient. Otherwise we’d all give up. And I don’t blame anyone that does. Sometimes you just need to say enough is enough. The best is when healthcare practitioners will encourage you to be patient - as if patience is what gives us a baby. It’s not. It’s technology. And money. And the stars of reproduction lining up. And luck.
I like to think that I am at least aware of what I need to improve about myself. I recognize that no one is perfect, and neither am I, obviously. So after almost 5 years of trying to have a baby, I am finally going to intentionally try to practice patience. Perhaps it will help me deal with infertility, and hopefully also help me in life in general.
