Since going public with my infertility, many people have reached out to share their stories. After my last post, a friend of mine who I’ve known for years, sent me a long message about their struggles with infertility. I had no idea. They said, “I’m not the kind of person who will go public on this and I don’t really have anyone to share this with...” I totally know the feeling. It took us years before going public. For me, this also led to feeling invisible.
Feeling invisible is probably one of the worst feelings. You see the people around you, but they don’t see you, or at least you think they don’t see you. I’ve learned that everyone has secrets. No matter how open people are, the phrase “you never know what goes on behind closed doors” always rings true. Some secrets are bigger than others. And some of them, are simply invisible to the outside world.
As I’ve spoken more about my infertility, I’ve had wonderful authentic opportunities to speak with others who open up to me, either about infertility or about dealing with invisible illnesses - a way I've often thought of infertility. There are so many people out there suffering from invisible illnesses who look and act perfectly fine, but on the inside something is wrong. My heart aches for those in viral posts on facebook shaming people for parking in accessible parking spots when they look totally normal (and have a sticker!). I grew up with a friend with a heart problem and you wouldn’t necessarily know it by looking at her, but she needed that accessible sticker.
The thing with most other invisible illnesses is that society isn’t obsessed with them. We don’t ask each other daily why you’re not running a marathon, so if you have an invisible problem and you can’t run, it won’t really come up if you don’t want to talk about it. And if it does come up, changing the subject to why running sucks and you much prefer yoga, isn’t a flat out lie, although obviously still not easy. Unless all your friends are marathon runners, there’s no societal pressure bringing up the topic all the time.
Infertility, on the other hand…