Exercising the Patience Muscle

I am a very impatient person (I'll be blunt). I get frustrated when people don’t understand me or my intentions. Usually I’m the one not being clear enough, but it’s difficult. I used to be a teacher and for kids, I somehow have tons and tons of patience. But if I’m teaching my husband something about the English language, for example, I’m terrible, and can’t understand if it takes him too long to get it. We live in a world of quick results. If a website takes more than a second to load it throws off SEO. We send emails and call that person to see if they got it. Like, why not just talk to the person to begin with? Social media updates instantly with new posts. I’m not blaming society for my shortcomings. I know this is something I need to work on. I’m just saying that it’s a lot easier to work on it in the middle of nowhere with no distractions or expectations. But that’s not where I live - at least not for most of the year.

Going through infertility has brought light to my lack of patience. The whole process is a huge test in patience. We have no choice, but to be patient. Otherwise we’d all give up. And I don’t blame anyone that does. Sometimes you just need to say enough is enough. The best is when healthcare practitioners will encourage you to be patient - as if patience is what gives us a baby. It’s not. It’s technology. And money. And the stars of reproduction lining up. And luck.

I like to think that I am at least aware of what I need to improve about myself. I recognize that no one is perfect, and neither am I, obviously. So after almost 5 years of trying to have a baby, I am finally going to intentionally try to practice patience. Perhaps it will help me deal with infertility, and hopefully also help me in life in general.

I have set 4 goals, or tasks that I believe will help me practice. I really like exercising, and I know that I didn’t pick up 15 lb weights on my first day of working out my biceps. For those of you who also rock climb, I didn’t do a 5.10 on my first day either. That took a few years. So let’s say that patience is a muscle. It’s not like I haven’t been using it. I am infertile after all. But it’s like staying on the 4 lb weights for a couple years without trying to grow the muscle. Obviously I’m using it, but how far is it really getting me in becoming a better version of myself?

1. Yoga

I love yoga. I always feel good when I do yoga. I have this great site that I sometimes use, doyogawithme.com, which is Canadian (win!), and their instructors are amazing. I just always feel like I’m not disciplined about it. I kind of do it on an ad hoc basis. So now, every morning I’m doing a little bit of yoga. Like a few good yoga stretches, good postures for the morning, focused breathing, messy hair. And then I’d like to add in a couple of real practices during the week. At least 2 to start off. I truly believe that the more I incorporate yoga into my daily life, the more my patience will somehow grow.

2. Cooking

I married my husband for his cooking skills. I’ll open the fridge and say there’s no food, and he’ll cook up a gourmet meal. He is quite creative, but it might be my subconscious simply getting me out of making dinner because I am kind of a lazy cook. Last November I stopped eating meat, but still eat fish, and would like to try out being vegan. I know it’s a challenge, but especially for me because it requires a lot of prep and a lot of patience. I have to actually plan and think about what to make and then try to cook something that will actually satisfy my cravings. I love food. I’ve always eaten everything. So now I have to be patient with myself and try some new things.

3. Meditation

This is a great practice. So much research on all the amazing things meditation does for us. I picked up this great book called Unplug and I feel like it was a perfect place for me to start. Most people worry about thoughts wandering - and if they wander we’re not doing meditation right. Well, the whole point is to be aware of when it wanders and try to bring our focus back to our breath. Over and over and over again. Wandering is part of the point. So I’ve accepted it. But again, it’s practice. I used to do it in bed and would just fall asleep. So, at least I’ve figured out a way to fall asleep faster. Now I try to do it after a little bit of yoga in the mornings and at this point, set a timer for 7 minutes. I started at around 5 minutes. I try to increase it a bit every few days. Sitting is hard. We’re so used to doing so many things at once! And my mind still races like crazy. But I know that if I stick to it, it will help me with patience, and I’m sure a bunch of other things too.

Getting ready to meditate on the beach at Pinery Provincial Park on Lake Huron
(c) Rebecca Schwartz

4. Pull ups

I hate pull ups. Ok, I used to hate pull ups. I would resort to the easier kind where my biceps do more work and my hands are reversed. Even then I wasn’t very good at them. When I go rock climbing I see all these kids doing tons of pull ups. Honestly, I would love to just do 10 in a row, and then readjust my goal. But I’m very far away from it. The other day I did 4, a new record. But only 2 on my second set.  Usually I do 2 or 3. But I will eventually get there if I just work at it.

I know that taking on 4 little (are they little?) Patience Projects may be a lot to handle. I might cave at some point and drop something that’s hard to pick up again. But I’m trying really hard to become a more patient person. I see these 4 things as a way for me personally to get there. For anyone going through infertility, try and find something other than infertility to help you practice patience. It can be a long road. Or a short one. But no matter what, no one knows when the road will suddenly curve, fork, or end. Do some self care to help you reach that end point, whenever it may be.