I would like to thank this guest blogger, who will remain
anonymous, for her courage in writing this. And although Mother's Day has past,
the feelings don't go away at the end of the day.
Mother’s Day is hard during infertility.
When it falls days after you find out that your PGS tested
perfect embryo transfer failed
Mother’s Day is a punch in the stomach
It’s a constant reminder of everything you don’t have
But everything you want
It’s logging onto social media and immediately logging off
because every post is a trigger
It’s staring at baby strollers longingly and wondering if
it’ll ever be you
It’s seeing pregnant women everywhere you turn and trying to
push the tears away
It’s a constant reminder of what you had, if only fleetingly
for those 2 weeks when you were pregnant until proven otherwise
Mother’s Day, days after a failed transfer is the worst
broken heart I’ve ever experienced
It’s wondering if next year, you’ll be in the same place,
wondering what the next steps are
It’s wondering when you’ll ever be on the right side of
statistics
It’s feeling the familiar sharp and dull cramps meaning your
period is coming
Mother’s Day after a failed embryo transfer is being so
close yet so far from all your dreams coming true
Instead, it’s the world’s worst nightmare
Filled with heartache, and anguish
It’s the loneliest day on the calendar
It’s wondering how you’ve made it through the last 15
months, not knowing how much longer until it’s over
It’s knowing that you’ll keep going, because you have no
other choice
It’s still keeping the faith that one day your story will
change
But secretly, terrified that it never will.
Mother’s Day after a failed frozen embryo transfer is
looking for happiness in orchids blooming
It’s staring at calm waters
Every day with infertility is crippling,
Mother’s Day after a failed embryo transfer is soul crushing
It’s reminding myself I have 4 embryos frozen in time;
waiting for us.
And that one day, we’ll be one of the families unknowingly
breaking another couple’s heart
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