Focusing on our Husbands this Father's Day

When going through infertility, us women are pretty focused on what we're dealing with. Treatments can take over our lives. It's hard for us mentally, physically, financially. We're the ones who have to go to the clinic all the time. We have the painful tests to do. We get the phone calls from the clinic with either good news or bad news. We're at the front lines of war on infertility. There are constant triggers and reminders of what we cannot do. I swear, it doesn't matter what direction I look, everyone is pregnant. Or has a baby in a stroller. Even when I went to the bank this week to take cash out of the ATM, there was an ad for mortgages or something on the machine of a happy family with a toddler and the wife is pregnant. Even at the bank I'm reminded that I'm not a mom. And we get really caught up in it that sometimes we forget about the other half of Team Want To Be Parents.


My husband is amazing. He is truly my rock. I've lost count of the amount of times he's endured my post-clinic phone calls full of tears. My reports. My breakdowns. He has been by my side every step of the way. He is the biggest support in my life. I'd like to think that I've been there to support him equally, but the truth is, it's easy to forget that he wants to be a dad as much as I want to be a mom.

Men are generally less vocal. My husband doesn't get as emotional as I do. But I know that when I have yet another breakdown and say something out of frustration like, "this is too much, I don't even want kids anymore!" his response is, "Becca, you have to stop saying that, because I want to be a father, and I know you want to be a mother. So we will figure this out. But yelling that you don't want kids isn't going to help us."

Let's focus in on our partners who struggle too in the infertility journey
(c) Rebecca Schwartz

I'd like to take today to focus on the men in our lives. Who struggle with infertility with us. They don't necessarily struggle physically in the same way, but they are entirely part of the emotional side. Yes, they get to do it in a cup while looking at porn, but the struggle is real for them too, and it's not easy at 7am. They are mostly busy trying to make us feel better, they walk on eggshells so that the process can be easier for us. I have often said to my husband that he doesn't understand what I'm going through, he doesn't live it day in and day out in the same way, but he really does. Let's take this day to focus on the future fathers in our lives and how they feel. Because they definitely feel it too. So just like how I celebrated Mother's Day this year, let's celebrate Father's Day this year too for all the soon-to-be dads. Appreciate the one who is on the journey with us, because he is also in this process, even if he doesn't always show it.

And babe, I love you!

(c) Rebecca Schwartz